#FiveSentenceFiction 05/17/12 – Foggy

 

The week’s been crazy since giving my 2 weeks at the day job, and I needed to catch up on some writing. Lillie gave another great prompt to work with, so here are five for my WIP, If a Tree Falls:

Up close, it looked like cotton balls pulled into thin, clinging wisps. Farther ahead, the fuzz coalesced into impenetrable clouds of white obscuring the landscape around me. I wanted to take comfort in the insulated feel of the world, like I claimed a private piece of it all for me, but instead, the fog cut me off, isolated me. I put my fingers to my lips and let loose a sharp whistle in three quick bursts. I closed my eyes and willed my body still as I listened—prayed, even—for an answering cry.

 

Let me know what you think. Comments and feedback are always welcome!

 

18 comments on “#FiveSentenceFiction 05/17/12 – Foggy

  1. Very nice. I loved the sense of fear and hope, yet despair waiting at the edges. I’ve been there. Well done, Cara! :)

  2. I love the mystery of this Cara … beautifully written!

  3. Lovely crisp description of the fog and how it can be like a barrier. Enjoyable morsels of a bigger story. Nice tension.

    • Thanks, Sif. I remember sitting on the bank of the Delaware River, listening to barges pass by in the fog. You only really knew they were there when their wakes kicked up the water on the shoreline. :)

  4. Very nice. There is nothing good about getting lost and I could feel the sense of panic starting to rush in. Well done.

    • Thanks, Andy. Got lost walking in fog in our own tiny little town with a friend once. We laughed our way through it, but it was so weird how the fog changed the landscape we thought we knew so well.

  5. This is really good, well done! I love the tension in this piece, and you actually made me feel cold while reading it, almost as if I was in the forest during those foggy mornings. (Grew up in the mountains, and I remember it all too clearly). Well done, and congratulations on nearly being done with work!

    • We get some first rate zombie fog down here in Florida. I love in ‘winter’ when we get banks of fog over water because it’s so much warmer than the air. :D

  6. I love this, Cara. The contrast of a the what we sometimes think of as a cozy blanket of fog to being cut off — even imprisoned in it. Really nice imagery. Powerful. Lovely job.

  7. Eerie, being lost in fog. Nice one.

  8. Lisa Shambrook (@LastKrystallos) on said:

    That feeling of being frozen in fear when you realise you’re lost…very well captured!

  9. Stephanie on said:

    Great imagery! I could picture every detail – the emotion, the fear, the unexpected events that could develop. Lovely writing!

  10. I love the internal twist here: “like I claimed a private piece of it all for me, but instead, the fog cut me off… ” The possible promise of a secure haven that didn’t turn out to be quite so safe. Great writing, Cara.

  11. I was sucked into the story from the first sentence! You have a way of making it effortless to fall into the picture you paint. Love this :)

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