#FridayFictioneers 05/04/12 – Homecoming

This demolition job only led me one place this week… and a day early at that:

 

I walked into my wrecked room and my heart seemed to just stop.

“Breathe, Circe,” Isaac said gently.

I sucked in a shuddering breath in response.

“I—I didn’t know Dad was remodeling.”

“He never got over your enlistment.” He sighed. “I think this was his response when you re-upped for another four years.”

“To erase me from the house?” Wallpaper older than me clung to the demolished walls. Dad had gone at it so thoroughly I could see the wall of the next room in places.

“I think he regretted it,” Isaac said. “Not right away. But—he regretted it.”

 

What do you think? I rather like this moment, so it will most likely wind up in my WIP, If a Tree Falls.

Check out more Fictioneers adventures over on Madison’s blog.

14 comments on “#FridayFictioneers 05/04/12 – Homecoming

  1. This hits a little close to home for me. My mom had a very similar reaction when my younger sister decided to enlist. You did an excellcent job of capturing both character’s reactions and alerting the reader to the bond they share. Well done!

    Mines at http://whimsicalquestsofacuriousmind.blogspot.com/

  2. So many emotions: dismay, regret, tenderness. “Wallpaper older than me” really brings it home – love it.

    If you want to read mine, it’s at http://www.lazuli-portals.com/flash-fiction/old-wallpaper

  3. Parents can react so differently can’t they! It seems that this particular one wanted to punish the child for leaving and did a good job too. So sad :-(

    http://womanontheedgeofreality.com/2012/05/03/friday-fictioneers-a-wall-to-keep-a-secret/

  4. A very real tale, this one. Parents can often react in the extreme when it comes to their childrens’ decisions.

    My story is nearly 200 words today:
    http://garybaileywriting.wordpress.com/2012/05/04/175/

  5. Reminded me of when I went away to college and returned for winter break to find my childhood room had become an office.

    Here’s mine: http://thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com/

  6. I really felt this one, the sense of loss and unbelonging coming home… here’s mine: http://writersclubkl.wordpress.com/2012/05/04/we-all-turned-yellow/

  7. An original take on the prompt, and really well crafted. It’s hard to imagine being so tee’d off at someone. Nice work.

    http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/05/04/dysfunctional-friday-fictioneers-may-2012/

  8. Wow, what a stark reminder of how people react when they feel like someone has taken something from them. Nicely done, Cara. :)

  9. My mother has reacted in similar ways when I’ve done something she didn’t like. The regret on her part surfaced later. Nice snapshot of that!

    My attempt: http://unduecreativity.wordpress.com/2012/05/04/rebuild/

  10. Wonderful scene, filled with emotion and relational dynamics. You should deffinately keep it.

    Here’s mine: http://teschoenborn.com/2012/05/03/friday-fictioneers-the-gig/

  11. Emotionally packed–you captured the internalizations beautifully. Well done!

    Mine: http://www.vlgregory-circa1800.vpweb.com/blog.html

  12. I really like this story. It was a totally different view of the wall. Good work.
    Laura
    at http://fictionvictimtoo.blogspot.com

  13. I liked that a lot. The dialogue was believable, the emotions and reactions were all believable. Definitely read like a ‘keeper’ moment for your wip.

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